You may remember our post a few weeks back regarding the Ten Commandments of Instagram. Today’s travesty is that we have been forced to continue educating the masses on technology etiquette, which today, will take the form of the Ten Commandments of Cell Phone Use. We’re at the point where cell phones have been around for quite some time and it seems like every child gets one when they start middle school and they soon grow up into bratty teenagers that seem to suffer postpartum depression if forced to put their phones down for driving, eating, showering, etc. But really, who is teaching them this behavior? Parents. Parents are some of the worst offenders and just as they need to teach children how to use a fork and knife, how to read, and how to avoid polyblend, they need to teach them proper phone etiquette. Frankly, they aren’t doing it so we’ve compiled a simple list of rules for phone use.
1. Thy phone shall remain untouched in the following situations: all sit-down meals, conversations, meetings, formal events, tea (except for the obligatory pre-tea Instagram), when placing orders, and when checking out of a store. This is a non-exhaustive list, but basically if you are interacting with another human it is rude to be on your phone in any way except in an emergency. And no, there is no such thing as an Instagram emergency.
2. Thou shalt not use speakerphone. Exceptions include driving (though you car really should have bluetooth because holding your phone an inch from your face on speaker is not exactly “hands free”), and if you are alone and therefore incapable of bothering anyone else with the details of your conversation. Break this rule, and you are dead to us.
3. There is nothing more hilarious than seeing someone make seven attempts at a Snapchat selfie, duck face and all. Don’t be that person. We laugh at you. And we aren’t all that discreet about it. Call it tough love.
4. The same rule applies to Vine. Especially if you’re alone and it looks like you’re talking to yourself. We kind of don’t understand Vine and would like it to be candid but are unclear on how to make that happen.
5. Never read someone else’s texts. Even if you are holding their phone and it happens to pop up. No no. If you’re the psycho who creepily goes through a friend/significant other’s phone, we’d be glad to offer you the number of a psychiatrist.
6. This one is more safety related, but be aware of your surroundings while using your phone. People on their phones in one way or another are more likely to be victims of crimes, because the perpetrator knows the person is distracted.
7. Thou shalt not sit in your car and text while someone is waiting for your parking spot. This is the most frustrating thing. Period.
8. Thou shalt not have the alert volume turned up when the phone is sitting right next to you. Nobody needs to hear that bleep bleep every two seconds. Turn it on vibrate.
9. On the same note, don’t use those strobe light notification things on top of the audible alert. You’re going to give someone a seizure.
10. Use common sense.